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Post by animalgoddess on Mar 22, 2011 21:34:53 GMT -5
Last night, I had a very emotional, physical, and mental breakdown.
I realized that I'd become everything I once promised to never become. I've come to notice my mistakes, my actions, my behavior; they are and have exceeded the limit of tolerance.
I've summed up the courage to tell my parents something really personal; a dark secret of mine, that I was encouraged to give out. I've been told that keeping secrets will only make things worse. That I'd go mad if I kept my emotions bottled up. When I confronted my parents, nothing went as planned. The total hours of sleep I got were polluted with tears and yelling.
I don't know what's going on in my mind, or in my body anymore. I feel like my energy has dissipated into grief, guilt, and self-hate.
I've recently done something to myself that I cannot believe, even now. And now that it's come to this, I'm afraid I can't turn to anyone. I'm going to make use of the school's Guidance Councilor soon. I'm not going mad or anything, but the more people I can open up to, the more weights, I feel, are lifted off my shoulders. Plus, I wouldn't want to rant to my friends of my issues.
As of late, I am trying to keep my smile up. And so, if you see me on, it's probably because I am trying to distract myself, or get away. My mind is really boggled and fogged up right now, so I'm sorry if I'm not coherent, social or rude.
I'm sick of people telling me that it's just a phase and that I'll out-grow this. I don't want what I've done to turn into a trend, and so if you see me lurking, by all means, talk to me.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense; right now, none of my thoughts do.
Love, Anita
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Post by Kairis on Mar 30, 2011 20:50:22 GMT -5
ok Anita lovely, get better soon and take all the time in the world to figure out your life; this place can always wait and I hope things look up for you soon!
Love Karebear =)
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Post by animalgoddess on Apr 2, 2011 9:21:43 GMT -5
Thanks for understanding, Kairis.
Things have gotten seriously bad between me and my mother. Our debt is also on a rise, and my sister's college residence was evacuated after a dozen reports of bed-bugs came out.
My Aunt, as usual, is getting in between my family, (as if almost making them divorce wasn't enough.)
I don't know why I'm being so open lately, but it really feels nice. I'm really sorry for missing April Fools, and for not posting, and not being on. I barely go on the computer now-a-days. Mom is constantly getting in fights with me, and time just flies by.
Well, I hope you all had a great April Fools, and that you're all happy and safe. Again, I'm really sorry.
Things aren't even close to being cleared up, but I'll try to make more time for this site, as you guys are really part of my family.
... which is kind of a bad-thing.
Love, Anita
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✮ErInJaN✮
Full Member
~Life is what happens when you're busy doing other things~
Posts: 151
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Post by ✮ErInJaN✮ on Apr 2, 2011 12:52:19 GMT -5
I hope things get better for you, Anita. It's still hard to understand why such wonderful people have to deal with such problems. Keep your head high! *Hugs* <3
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Post by Kairis on Apr 3, 2011 0:08:08 GMT -5
^^ agreed =] if you need to talk we are here with no judgement, sides, or perspectives.. just open ears and hearts that want you to feel better really soon, and again dont worry if you aren't on that often. Impulse will always be waiting for you lol!
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Post by vanadium ! on Apr 3, 2011 7:42:25 GMT -5
Ayyy Anita. <3 It sounds like you're in a really, really rough patch right now. I know that talking does help. I'm a good listener, if you ever need to talk. Helping people is what I do best. [:
I sure do hope you start feeling better, boo<3 We all love ya, here. :D
~ Vana
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Post by animalgoddess on Apr 10, 2011 20:17:54 GMT -5
I feel really horrible for leaving you all here, and making false promises of being more active. Believe me, I will try. Lately, I've been out a lot, and I barely have time at home. Rosa (my female parent) is in a different country and we've found out that she has permanent shoulder damage, and requires surgery. Since she's not in Canada, it isn't going to be paid for.
I've taken up babysitting, dog-walking and I will start mowing-lawns in the Spring to gain enough money for her.
And although I knew that things between Rosa and me were tough, I didn't think she would just hop on a plane without telling me.
I don't even call her my mother anymore.
I really am privileged to have you all as another family I can turn to. I love you all. Things are really rough right now, but I swear I will be more active.
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